The Criminal Class
By Walt Staples
Louie The Flick
stepped up to the bank’s counter. The teller smiled the “Everybody’s Bank” smile. “Yes, sir, how may I help you today?”
He stuck the pistol in her face and snarled in a high squeak, “Gimme de money!”
The teller’s eyes became huge and she quavered, “Is that the Turkish export model of the Micher M-1891E in 11 millimeter?”
Louie froze. “Huh?”
The teller reached and plucked the weapon from his grasp. She looked at the pistol from several angles, tried the action, and inspected the magazine. She spoke in a serious voice, “I can only give you a thousand dollars for it now, but it's cash.”
The street-wise wise guy retorted, “Huh?”
The teller fondled the pistol. “My husband and I collect late 19th century military side arms.” Her smile was blinding. “I tell you what, the next time you get a gun, bring it here so I can look at it.”
Counting his money as he walked out of the bank, Louie had to admit the “Everybody’s Bank” slogan, “Not your average bank!” was truth in advertising.
The old man groaned, “No, no, no. Again,” and punched the “Life” button.
Louie The Flick stepped up to the bank’s counter. The teller smiled the “Everybody’s Bank” smile. “Yes, sir, how may I help you today?”
He handed over the demand note. She took it and looked at it. She turned it upside down. She looked at the back. Then she asked, “I’m sorry, sir, what does it say?”
Louie ducked his head and, shame-faced, whispered, “Gimme de money.”
She frowned at him. “I see. Well, this is quite unacceptable. You march yourself over to the community college, sign up for remedial English, and bring back the college acceptance and I’ll give you your money.”
As he turned down the street toward the community college, Louie had to admit that the “Everybody’s Bank” slogan, “Not your average bank!” was truth in advertising.
Tears of pain rolled down the old man’s face. “Yer gonna be de death of me yet! Again.” He pushed the “Life” button.
Louie The Flick stepped up to the bank’s counter. The teller smiled the “Everybody’s Bank” smile, produced a pistol, jammed it in his face and demanded, “Gimme de money!”
As he stomped out of the door wondering how to get the fare for the bus ride home, Louie had to admit that the “Everybody’s Bank” slogan, “Not your average bank!” was truth in advertising.
The old man snarled, “Yer gonna do it ‘til ya get it right!” and reached for the “Life” button…
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